i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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