Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
