you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
