For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
