I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
