he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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