I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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