he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
