And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
