So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
