I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
