he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
