He is such a slut. More and more my type.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
