Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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