He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
They are going to name an STD after you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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