I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
