Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
