is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
