I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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