he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
