the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
