He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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