I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
