ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
