someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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