Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
