i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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