I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think I sprained my soul last night
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
