I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
