Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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