Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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