did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
