I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
