So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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