I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
