I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
