You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
