I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
