Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
