I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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