Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We left the knife in your bed.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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