You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
