me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
