Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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