Sponge bath it is.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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