She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
