is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Randomize
