ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
