ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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