I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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